SATIRE

Dylan Mulvaney Leaves Texas for California, Declares ‘I Don’t Live in Red States’

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Dylan Mulvaney, the well-known transgender activist and social media personality, has recently announced her decision to leave Texas and move to California. Citing her discomfort with living in a conservative-leaning state, Mulvaney expressed that her personal values and identity align more closely with the progressive and inclusive environment she associates with California. Her statement, “I … Read more

Stephen King Says He’s Leaving America, Stating ‘This Is Not the America I Stand For’

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Renowned author Stephen King, known for his best-selling horror novels and outspoken political views, has announced his intention to leave the United States, citing his dissatisfaction with the country’s current direction. King’s decision comes in the wake of the 2024 U.S. presidential election, which resulted in what many are calling a “red wave,” a significant … Read more

Shaquille O’Neal Joins Guy Fieri and Gordon Ramsay for New Non-Woke Food Chain in Red States

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Guy Fieri and Gordon Ramsay have made waves in the culinary world by announcing their plans to launch a new food chain focused on offering affordable, quality meals with a non-woke business model. The venture, targeting conservative-leaning red states, aims to cater to communities seeking straightforward, delicious food without the political or cultural messaging often … Read more

Elon Musk’s Backlash Call Costs Disney $1 Billion in Sponsorships

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Disney has found itself at the center of a major controversy after losing $1 billion in sponsorships following a backlash call by billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk. The uproar began when Musk criticized Disney for what he described as its overt promotion of a “pride agenda,” sparking heated debate on social media and leading some sponsors … Read more

Tom Hanks Plans To Sell Red State Properties, Says ‘This Is Not The America I Stand For’

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In a recent turn of events, acclaimed actor Tom Hanks has made a bold statement by announcing his intent to sell all his real estate holdings in Republican-led, or “red” states. According to insiders, Hanks has cited a desire to align more closely with values of inclusivity, social justice, and wokeness—principles he feels are lacking … Read more

Michael Jordan Rejects $100M Movie Offer from Disney, Stands Against “Wokeness”

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Michael Jordan, the legendary basketball icon and cultural force, has made a bold statement by rejecting a $100 million movie deal with Disney, citing his refusal to work for what he calls “wokeness.” This decision has sent shockwaves through the entertainment industry, as one of the most marketable figures in sports history has chosen to … Read more

Coach Mike Tomlin Rejects Black National Anthem: “We Have One Flag and One Anthem”

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Mike Tomlin has made it clear where he stands on the issue of the Black National Anthem. In a recent interview, the Pittsburgh Steelers head coach firmly stated, “We have one flag, and one anthem,” rejecting the growing movement that advocates for the Black National Anthem, “Lift Every Voice and Sing,” to be played at … Read more

Candace Owens Offered $200M by ABC to Host The View: ‘We Need You to Win Back Viewers’

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ABC recently made headlines with its bold move to bring conservative commentator Candace Owens on board to host *The View*, offering a staggering $200 million contract. The network hopes that Owens, known for her outspoken views and dedicated following, will revive the show’s struggling ratings. For years, *The View* has been one of ABC’s most … Read more

Don Garber Fired by MLS for Promoting Woke Kneeling During National Anthem

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In a surprising move that has captured the attention of sports media and fans alike, Major League Soccer (MLS) has parted ways with long-time commissioner Don Garber, citing his support for player demonstrations during the national anthem, which some describe as promoting “woke” kneeling. Garber’s departure marks the end of a 25-year career in which … Read more

Sylvester Stallone Launches New Coffee Chain in Red States to Compete with Starbucks

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Sylvester Stallone is taking on a new role, this time as an entrepreneur in the coffee industry. On January 20, Stallone will launch his own coffee chain across multiple states, specifically targeting red-state locations. Known for his tough-guy persona on screen, Stallone’s latest venture aims to bring coffee back to basics, offering affordable options that … Read more